Parenting involves a lot of lying. Which makes things difficult when you’re raising a kid who can smell a lie the way most kids can smell baking cookies. Thomas notices every inconsistency, every hesitation, every bemused grin. He is also a master interrogator, pouncing on the holes in his relentless quest for the truth.
I makes for painful conversations when he starts asking questions about death or sex or mortgages. I have found that the best thing to do is just to tell him the truth. This is why he knows so much about war and jumbo loans. Sometimes though, I just can’t bear to tell him the truth.
Such as in this recent converstation which came up while we were driving though town.
Thomas: Daddy, what does that sign say?
OK, this is where I let the boy get into my head. See, I should have just said “what sign?” and been done with it. But no, instead I said:
Me: Uh, … it says “Hooters”
Let the record reflect that I hesitated before I said the name.
Thomas: Why?
Me: Because that’s the name of the restaurant.
Thomas: Why is there an owl on the sign?
Me: Because it’s an owl themed restaurant. That’s why it’s called “Hooters.” Because owls hoot.
Oh, please buy that lie, please.
Thomas: What does themed mean?
Ah, I had him distracted with a new word. If I played this right I could avoid the whole uncomfortable subject and move on with my day. That is, if I wasn’t an idiot.
Me: It means that the restaurant is decorated in a certain way. Everything in that restaurant is related to owls. Among other things.
Among other things?!?
Thomas: Like what things?
Crap.
Me: Oh, you know outdoor stuff.
And then for what seemed like an eternity, silence. Then finally,
Thomas: Hey! Daddy!
Me: Yes, bud what is it?
Thomas: Oh, we should definitely go there sometime.
I should have just stuck with the truth.
14 Comments
Fortunately I have a few more years before the barage of questions like that begins. I’ll need to take some notes to prepare myself.
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Oh the lies we tell our loved ones! Funny you mentioned Hooters – my husband is always talking about how great the chicken wings are at Hooters. He says he loves to go to Hooters for the chicken wings. For the chicken wings, just the chicken wings. Yep, that’s what he says.
Hey wait a minute…….
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He was going to find out about Hooters eventually, it’s just that he’s so advanced that he’s discovered it at 4. haha
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We should plan a guys-only “educational” outing with our boys at Hooters. Let’s plan on that our next trip up. You bring the owls.
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I just laughed out loud reading this. Should have known better. Now I’m getting the “Why are you laughing Mommy? What’s so funny?” I told him, “Nothing.” He gave an exasperated sigh and says, (repeatedly) “Mommy, there has to be a reason why you were laughing.”
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LMAO! Love this post, thanks for the laugh this morning. I do love Hooter’s wings!!!
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You always wanted to go to the Dragon Moon…lucky for me it went out of business.
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OMG… this is two funny.
Can’t wait to read the transcript of the ‘birds and the bees’ talk you’ll have to have with him.
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Owen, like Henry, lets nothing slide. This is why I am at once saddened and relieved there are no Hooters anywhere near our home. But really, you can’t lie to them. Except maybe about Santa Claus. Otherwise, they’re just gonna find out eventually. Like when my wife was a kid and asked her dad what those things floating in the local lake were. “Those are mines, honey. They’re to keep out boaters and swimmers and stuff.” She didn’t swim in that lake for a long time, but eventually she figured it out. It’s a tangled web we weave.
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LOL have fun taking him to hooters!
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1. Hooters really does have great chicken wings. 2. I have never been in there when there weren’t kids all over the place. 3. Boobs are a fact of life. I kind of like the idea of de-mystifying them early. But then, he’s not my kid.
Oh, and it sounds like Thomas is going to become an attorney. THAT should scare you more than any hooters, anywhere.
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One of my best friends used to work at Hooters, and I could fill Thomas in on exactly what’s inside those Hooters shirts, if he gets to asking. And no, the answer isn’t just “boobs”.
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Like Thomas, Finn often asks big questions that leave me floundering for the right words. I have learned it is better to go with the truth 99% of the time. I tend to be overly complicated so he gets confused and loses interest… Only exception is death/afterlife – wait til you get those doozies. Super tough to answer and challenges/confronts your own beliefs etc too… Stick with the Hooters questions for as long as you can!
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Laughing. Seriously almost laughing enough to cry. Almost. :) *No shoes were thrown in the writing of this comment.*
“Because it’s an owl themed restaurant. That’s why it’s called “Hooters.” Because owls hoot.” I love it. I have passed one every day driving the girls to school for two years now. I wish I had come up with that explanation back then. Instead I went with the, it’s a restaurant for men, that I don’t let daddy go too.
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